How boundaries prevent holiday burnout

You’re shuffling the kids from holiday shows to visits with Santa, while trying to squeeze in time to buy and wrap gifts before you head to Grandma’s house for dinner. Then, you wake up the next day and do it all over again.

Does the hectic nature of the holidays leave you feeling overwhelmed? And, more importantly, is there any way to wrangle control back so you can actually enjoy this time of year?

“The holidays pile up in a few predictable ways,” explained Savitha Puttaiah, MD, psychiatrist and medical director of Baptist Behavioral Health. “There’s the obvious stuff, like trying to attend too many events, meeting high expectations, and just not having enough time to do it all. Money becomes a pressure cooker because of all the hefty costs this time of year. Family dynamics get louder because everyone is suddenly in the same room with old stories and tensions. And, for a lot of people, this time of year magnifies loneliness or grief. Plus, we all try so hard to make everything ‘perfect’ that we forget to just breathe.”

There is one thing that could make your holiday merrier: boundaries.

Setting (and sticking to) boundaries during the holidays

“Boundaries keep your energy from getting drained, stop resentment from building, and let people know what you can realistically give,” Dr. Puttaiah said. “When you put small limits in place, you’re less overwhelmed and more present, so the holidays start to feel like something you can enjoy instead of survive.”

Don’t know where to start? Here are five boundaries you can set for the holidays (and beyond):

1. Limiting how long you stay somewhere: “We’ll come for a bit, then head out.”
2. Not overcommitting: “I can do one event this weekend, not three.”
3. Keeping gifts low-key: “Let’s skip big gifts this year and just do something small.”
4. Protecting your emotional space: “I’m not discussing heavy topics today.”
5. Protecting your time: “I need a little downtime during the day. I’ll be back soon.”

“None of these are dramatic,” Dr. Puttaiah said. “They’re just gentle ways of making things more manageable.”

Be prepared for pushback

Of course, there’s a chance not everyone will be pleased with the limits you’ve put in place, especially if they’re used to you saying “yes” to everything.

“The key is to stay calm,” Dr. Puttaiah said. “Keep your tone warm but steady. Don’t argue or over-explain, just hold your line kindly.”

Here are some phrases to keep in your back pocket if people push your boundaries:

• “I know you’d love for me to stay, but I’m heading out at 7 pm.”
• “I get that this issue is important to you, but I’m not discussing that today.”
• “I hear you, but I can only do so much.”

“Boundaries aren’t you being difficult; they’re you trying to enjoy the season without losing yourself,” Dr. Puttaiah said. “It’s normal to feel awkward or guilty at first, but that fades quickly when you realize how much lighter and calmer you feel. And that’s the whole point: holidays should feel like your life, not your performance.”

Is the holiday hustle interfering with your quality of life? If you need support from a mental health professional during the holiday season or at any time of year, call Baptist Behavioral Health at 904.376.3800.