Finding grace

Confession: I only half-listen to my husband when he starts rambling about sports, which has been a lot lately.

Second confession: I'm not a good Catholic. Let me re-phrase. I'm not a practicing Catholic. There is a difference. More on that later.

Confession three: my immune system is not perfect, so on March 18, it was recommended that I begin working from home due to COVID-19.

On March 23, I developed a slight allergy-like cough, not so unusual for this time of year. But, because I work for a health system, I decided to be safe and isolate myself to protect others. The next day, my cough was gone, confirming it was as I suspected - seasonal allergies. It was also the day the world was waking up to great uncertainties. Fear manifested into a wide-spread hoarding of TP, soap and hand sanitizers. For self-preservation, I decided to stay in isolation.

Four walls and "The Diary of Anne Frank"

I read "The Diary of Anne Frank" in the 8th grade as an English class assignment. My book report was re-purposed as my catechism Lent project. Despite our differing religions, the lessons were surprisingly similar. Lent is introspection and self-discovery through sacrifice.

Reading her story as a teen, I was struck by Anne’s description of early adulthood and her romantic ideals of the many life milestones she had before her. We all know the unfortunate ending. And how good versus evil will always exist, no matter how romantic or ideal you may wish it to be. Her sacrifice became a worldwide, multi-generational lesson for humanity, specifically how to forgive and respond gracefully to unfortunate circumstances.

My four walls became my hiding place as I watched my world shift to the edge of chaos. The first few days drove me crazy, and - another confession - I had a few ungraceful moments. Ask Bill, my husband, who can solidly confirm.

Needful things

Throughout the week, Bill and I keep a list of needed items. On Saturday mornings, before the rest of the world begins to stir, we start the store-to-store scavenger hunt, looking for specific products, often settling for something close-ish. It's the only time I allow myself to go out beyond the perimeter of our small gated community. Except for an occasional car ride to nowhere (it keeps me sane).

And then one Saturday morning, it happened; even though my world had become small, my life expanded.

Standing in the middle of the store aisle, I noticed that my world had shifted to a dystopia, where everything I did became a slow-mo tai chi moment, like the day I spent trying to get home to Michigan in time for my father's funeral. What was once normal was not anymore, and more noticeably, it's become okay if it isn't. Life continues. Making meaningful choices became a priority as I began checking through the necessary and unnecessary items in my life. I left the store that morning empty-handed, because I had, in fact, everything I needed.

Lessons learned in the store aisle

The world will not end if:

• I don't grab that deal for those pants, that handbag or those shoes.

• My hair grows too long for my face shape, and (gasp) my roots begin to show.

• Date night transforms into eating at home with a strange combination of left-overs and reruns of "Frasier."

• The daily news is limited, leaving more white space for peace and quiet.

• A cell phone cannot possibly be my universe. Put it down.

Your world will be full if:

• You enjoy quiet conversations with your husband during a walk at the end of the day, and be reminded why he is your best friend.
• You take time to reflect on the day and find something to be thankful for.
• You pick up the phone and reconnect with your family, specifically, in my case, my mom.

Being a good daughter

Final confession; I am not a good daughter. Before my self-isolation, I called home once a month. Maybe. I was one of those kids who walked off the stage at high school graduation and left the small-town life behind. I needed to get lost in the world so I could find my own way.

It also was the time when I left the Catholic Church. Gen Xers are hallmarked by their self-absorption.

I spent the greater part of adulthood away from my family, developing a career in marketing. The irony is that in my profession, we highlight the lovely in ordinary moments; it helps us connect products or services to our audience. This is why my best ideas come from seemingly mundane moments, like making mashed potatoes for dinner or walking down the cereal aisle at the grocery store. I spent all this time paying attention to the vibe of the living without really living. True story.

Silver lining

Like Anne Frank, I was born into a religion that stays with you throughout life. The Catholic Church follows the Christian belief of redemption. It doesn't give up on you, even if you've given up on it. Thus the distinction between a practicing and non-practicing Catholic. You're one or the other, for life. It stands there waiting for you with open arms. Just like family.

Truth is, the older I get, the more I need my small-town roots. After hearing that my mother is living in complete isolation as a COVID-19 precaution due to her age, I made a point to call her every Sunday so she has company on the day she misses my dad most.

I cherish the few hours of conversation with her on Sunday afternoons. She is the link to the person I am as an adult, and I have so many questions about her life that I need to know while she is here to tell it: What was it like to be a child during the Depression, and a teen during WWII? Did you know any of the orphans who were adopted by Polish-speaking families in your community after the war? When did you learn to drive a car? How did you meet dad?

Hearing her voice is reassuring and keeps my life in perspective. My mom will celebrate her 90th birthday in May. Anne Frank would have been 91 in June.

So here is my analysis of "The COVID-19 Diary of Emilie P": Social distancing is also about giving people room to be themselves. And so I'm kinder, more understanding, respectful and patient. I also found gratitude in a time of fear. The transformation helped me find my way home. I have what I need. And it's lovely.

At Baptist Health, we want to help keep you and your family informed about COVID-19. We're coordinating with the health department and following CDC guidelines to ensure the health and safety of our community. For more information, visit baptistjax.com/covid19.